Babu and Behenji

November 24, 2015.

'Sarkar joli (government job)', say grandmas, yesterdays, todays and tomorrows, squaring horoscopes of boys with that of their grand-daughters. Sarkar joli is Brahman brand, beyond sin; Babu and Bahenji premium products., Patti, Aji, Dadi brand names. Grandmas best. Met Sethumadhavan after a Kerala trip. 'How is nadu,' me asked. 'Sukham, ellarude kaiil kashu; Dubai okke poyi; ippo New Zealand, Australia; pinne Sarkari joli top (Fine, money in all hands, Dubai is passe, New Zealand and Australia in; Government jobs top), Sethumadhavan replies. 'Sarkar joli' rings temple bells; meant and means having breakfast and lunch at home or with contractors, going to office after office hours to sign the muster, nights, sipping Blue Label free; collecting sure salaries month-end; and the power paste of a clerk; Mrs and Mr. Fix It; he and she could, did and do pack humans in files, their fundamental right; they never go; sun and moon may not be; babu and bahenji will ever be. No protests, no fasts. Sure of a blast with a Pay Commission rite upping benefits, unconditionally, forever and forever; babus and bahenjis play games, style it governance by indecision. From Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru, every Prime Minister, has failed to babus and bahenjis; scared of fate, babus and baehnjis gave into limited unfiledom in 1992; in 1993 closed in like stirred waters and remain so. Socialism, no; Capitalism, nay; reforms, nahin; babus and behenjis, yes, armed with files; they never act against each other; they wail together; they work from tables taped in Mahatma Gandhi currency notes; an unpleasant footnote. Babus and behenjis did not much approve the Mahatma Gandhi National Rural Employment Guarantee Act; briefed privately Holy Economists; stinked it; put the scheme in a file marked Top Secret. Daily wage rates under the Scheme: Rs. 69 in 2006-07 to differential state rates in 2015-2016 with Haryana highest at Rs.251. Holy economists howl of leaks and subsidies when Mint says 32 per cent of tax rupees, or almost one-third, will go towards pays and pensions. One way to yardstick the rich and another the poor. As a Mumbai journalist, never seen North and South Blocs; never desired; RBI and banks in Mumbai sufficed. A Grandma Law writs filedom; Grandma in her avatar as mother-in-law. When the RBI Governor calls the Deputy Governor, RBI Towers shiver in fever; the RBI Governor does not call anyone except his wife; personal attendants put official calls; bank chairmen go under when RBI Towers mobiles. RBI Towers stands to attention when RBI Governor steps in and out; the habit spills over with clerks ordering sepoys at the gates and sepoys booting wives at home.  But in New Delhi, RBI reports to the Finance Ministry; bank chairmen namaskar officials in the banking ministry in New Delhi; in a few months, there will be no RBI; the Finance Secretary will be all; babu-behnji win. They own the Indian day and night. They own India. Always.